Hello everyone,hope all is well and merry,if not,don’t worry,it’s all gonna be alright (don’t know why I feel strongly someone needs to hear that,maybe it’s even me *smiles*).
Truth is,have lived just long enough to know that all is not as it seems,”the heart of man is desperately wicked,who can know it?”. That scripture of the holy word helped me to cast my mind back to a time i had to speak to the “demons” lurking in the shadows of my heart,so there can be a hush. Had to silent thoughts that were not exactly civil,wishes not in any way warm and hopes genuinely unholy. Sometimes i wasn’t successful.
Guess it was time for me to see that a block of my wall was forged in a fire that burns in hell and i quickly had to remind myself that i am a standard. A standard not in any way perfect,truth is am far from it. Sometimes i feel guilty that my life leads many to believe am indeed some guy with such a good soul (not that am an Adolf Hitler or some kind of monster mind you *straight face*) but believe me this is not and never was my intention. I was just doing me,in case you ever thought i was perfect,kindly correct that error i hope one day i don’t have to answer for. I Have lived a life that has pleased many and probably blessed some lives and i’m still not perfect.
Reflected in meditation over souls that appeared to be angels but where found to be the devil’s cousins. And in that moment i realised how clueless we really are. We know nothing. All we know is based on what we see or think we see but not entirely what really is. Man has prided himself in his knowledge of psychology,so much that the sciences of the mind has been penned down as facts when it should still be a theory (unproven). Why you ask? Because how much of the walls of a man’s heart can you really see into,i mean truly be aware of? I mean,really?
Don’t in any way be mislead by what seems to be,be aware of what truly is,a man’s true state of heart.
Open your soul to see this; man has never been perfect,he probably never will,his nature fights against his will. Still, we must not hate our imperfections,we rather should knit it into fabrics that can make us stronger/refined.
These lines of thoughts,reminded me of a piece i originally wrote for a post on Matey Scott’s blog. Thought i should share it with you guys. This time i do not write,this time i humbly share….
“”ONLY IF THEY KNEW””
Entangled in a mess
due to the stench oozing out
of my weaknesses, still i put
on my best fragrance,waving at
their adore of me even as i itch
with filth beneath garment,
only if they all knew.
Daily in bed i twist and turn,
my peace fails to return.
I have quoted his holy words
prayed to his holy name,yet i
keep loosing sleep,it just slips
away from me as i reach,
right now i feel not so rich,
peace lacked,money can’t acquire.
What they see is a sage
that has come of age
walking among mere mortals
only if they knew i’m not perfect,
at least not as picture perfect
as i appear,i too weep in despair.
We wrestle against powers,
principality and dark forces,yes!
Yet my fight is more internal,
it’s a fight against sin of scandal
unknown to all that I know,
it’s a fight with my ‘standards’,
a score sheet that has only
recently made me feel like ‘shit’.
It’s a fight to live above regrets
as nothing never seems to satisfy
my goals,this have failed to rectify.
Perhaps ‘success’ I most redefine.
Only if they knew that i
wither away with worry like
a plant without water,i wish to
drink from heaven’s fountain.
I won’t mind if it will rain
on me all of the peace have lost
to the feeling of blemish,
to feeling as though incompetent.
These with every passing time
brings me pain,feeling like have
failed all those that matter
as i submit; nothing else matters.
But the love of my father said “No,
my redeeming blood still matters
enough to sanctify thy sanctuary”.
Only if we all knew our soul
we can renew with the freedom
attached to forgiving ourselves.
Deducing i need to forgive myself,
for “if i don’t,who will?”
then will peace make me still.
P.S; its okay to have imperfections. It is because it’s okay is why I believe you are allowed to forgive yourself of your short comings. Nothing wrong there. Peace!